Breakdown number 74382943 as a first year Seminarian...

Sitting in Starbucks.
Confused.
Frustrated.
Unmotivated.

I don't get it.  If this is supposed to be my calling, why is it so damn difficult?

Paul, you are quite the character.  I'm currently reading an N.T. Wright book about him.  It's a book I'm not fully understanding.  And that is really frustrating..

and I'm almost speechless.  I have no idea what to think or how to feel.  Can I really do this?
    

Blessings..

Life is funny. And quick. And a lot of the time- not very peaceful.

Last semester was quick.  Maybe a little too quick.  I built relationships and worked harder than I ever have for school.  Moving away again from my parents, relationships changed.  I found a family.  I found a home.  I found community at school, in my house, at my church, and around RVA.  It's been a true blessing.

I'm grateful- for the experiences that taught me more about myself, others, and God.  The classes that I took last semester and the classes I'm currently enrolled in have taught me more than I ever thought possible.  I've learned about a God of love and life, but also a God of impatience of frustration (and rightly so..those stubborn Israelites).

I'm constantly being re-affirmed about where I am in my life right this moment.  As lame and cliche as it sounds, it's such a God thing .. Whether I'm being affirmed (and I'm someone that needs to be affirmed) by my roommates (thanks, Caitie), my church, or my colleagues and professors, I am learning to be grateful of where I am.  It's easy to do when I'm living in a place I absolutely love.

Thanks be to God.

Awful Habits...

I have some really awful habits.  I'm not saying that I'm not great, because I know I am.  I know have some really wonderful qualities, and I try every day to embrace those.  But, I'm very aware of my flaws and awful habits- one of them is commitment.  It's something I've struggled with for a long time now.  From time commitment and procrastination to the feeling I get three months into a relationship.  It's really scary.  Sometimes I feel it's a habit that won't ever go away.  I feel as if I'll never get finished early with an assignment.  I know that I have four different term papers due the week after Thanksgiving.  I know that I really need to get started and that I'd feel most comfortable with having everything completed by Thanksgiving.  I see that.  Am I actually going to complete them by Thanksgiving? Probably not.  Does that really bother me? Absolutely.  Same with running.  I'm "running" five miles in two weeks.  Five.  Did I register for this months ago? Yes.  Have I been training for it the way I should? No.  Even worse, did I see it coming? Unfortunately.
Luckily, no guy here  has actually wanted to be with me, so I guess we're okay on that end.  They probably smell the commitment-phobia a mile away.  It's a little depressing.

So what do I do? I know it's all mental.  How do I change that? How do I motivate myself to get things finished in a timely manner? I've seen what happens when I procrastinate.   I think about those feelings I had- stressed, tired, wishing I had started this earlier.  So why can't I change these awful habits? 

Retreat

What a beautiful weekend!

When I moved to Richmond, I moved into an Intentional Community through Ginter Park Baptist Church.  It's called the Farley House.  A family (the Farley's) owned it years and years ago.  Farley families are still members of GPBC today.  It's really lovely.
I moved in a month ago today.  I moved in on that Friday.  I had this whole house to myself Friday night and most of the day Saturday (Thanks to Kristen for keeping me company!)
One roommate, Khan, moved in Saturday night.  He's from Burma and is entering his third year at BTSR.
I went to Ginter Park Sunday morning, met several folks from the church and enjoyed much conversation with the Pastor (who, by the way, I knew before moving to RVA.  She used to be in Charlotte).  Drew came home that afternoon with Nala (his sweet pup).  Caitlin was finishing up her Internship and was in and out for a bit before heading back to Spartanburg (yep, Spartanburg) to see family.
This past weekend was the first time we (the whole house) has been together since the beginning of August.  What an awesome weekend it is.  It involved boat rides, naps, reading, more naps, good food (ice cream included), and really good discussion.

I am so happy to be here- with this community and with these people.
Happy one month anniversary to me!

First boat ride to dinner on the first night-

SC calls this a "clemson sunset"

Some of the crew-

yummy yummy ice cream- WHITE CHOCOLATE OREO PEANUT BUTTER (I mean, come on)

To My Dad-

Every year on our birthday, the birthday kid would be woken up to this song.  It's one of my favorite traditions.  Now that we have smartphones, we send each other the video since my brothers and I are no longer living at home.

I have forever been a Daddy's Girl.  I'm the baby and I'm the only girl- It was clear this was going to happen.  I'm so thankful to have this guy as my Dad.  He's the quiet yet completely lovable one.
Thank you Dad:

• for teaching me everything I need to know about Monty Python and the Holy Grail
• for watching National Treasure and The Day After Tomorrow with me time and time again
• for showing me the "real" beers
• for making me blueberry pancakes on Sunday mornings
• for inspiring me to better myself by getting healthy
• for teaching me so much more than what I wanted to know about Chemistry
• for teaching my brothers how to be role models
• for the best chocolate chip cookies ever (and I mean ever)
• for being patient with Mom and me and loving us even when we're stubborn
• for lending me all your Smyth and Helwys commentaries

And for so so so much more.  

For you Dad, I'm so grateful.

Since I Moved...

Brunch at Dot's Back Inn (Bellevue area. Just a nice bike ride!)

Coffee in Carytown

The most fruitful garden! It has bountiful tomatoes and basil, cucumbers, okra, watermelon and cantaloupe

Firepit nights with beautiful music, drinks, and friends.

Apple Muffins (Fresh apples from the Farmers Market)

Fresh flowers

South of the James Farmers Market

Saturday night tradition- homemade pizza and wine.

It almost feels ridiculous how much I love being here.  I can't wait to explore more, especially now that my camera's battery is full again.  My on-line class meets in person next week along with new student orientation.  Fall classes start September 9. It's all still so exciting. 

While I Was Sleeping...

So many lovely people were taking pictures of their (kids') first day of school!
While I just began my first Seminary on-line class, I certainly didn't have to wake up at 6:15am to do it.
All of my thoughts and prayers go out to you, educators and students!  As I've looked through Facebook, there are people going into middle school as I remember when they were born.  Best friends posting pictures of their brand new classroom and jitters about meeting their students!  New students moving into their residence halls as freshmen in college. Hopes for a really great year.

As for me, I will return to this assignment of 24 cases and about 500 questions.