Lent 3.

This past week was an interesting one...I guess I skipped Sunday and Monday.  Lent fail.

Tuesday evening was spent working on a Theology assignment due the next day.  The weather was cold and the fire was nice.  

At about 5am Wednesday, I woke up with an incredibly upset stomach.  I thought it was because my dinner (pizza) included so much dairy.  I went to class any way (good two shoes, not a class misser at your service!).  Forty five minutes in class.  Thirty of those spent....not in the classroom. Ended up going home...I fell asleep and woke up with a 100.8 fever.  Over the day, the fever rose.  I slept and drank gatorade.  Stella took it as a rest day for him, too.  #Lazycat 

\This was my only picture for a few days...not a lot happened\

Saturday- I ran my four miles (my fever had broken Wednesday over night) and treated the birthday girl, Abby to Can Can brunch.  The most amazing eggs and ham.  It's going to be a regular, for sure.

Sunday- we had Preview Days.  It was that day two years ago that I visited BTSR for Preview Days and completely fell in love *cue Elf; I'm in love, I'm in love, and I don't care who knows it!* Thanks be to God for being affirmed exactly where you go.  

Who Did You Say Goodbye to Last?

 

As we gathered in the basement of Casa Vides to introduce ourselves, we were asked the questions. Tell us who you are? where you're coming from? Who did you say goodbye to last when you were leaving?
  

Over the course of the week, we became like family.  We suffered through different experiences together.  We traveled to the fence that divides God's children.  We looked into Mexico and spoke with children on the other side as Border Patrol watched our every move.  Those kids helped us say goodbye to our old selves, and say hello to a life-changing experience.

We ventured to Juarez together and learned that Christina Estrada doesn't own just a library.  It's a safe space for over 100 children to gather after school.  They are tutored by high schoolers/role models.  They're taught how to read, they're fed, and allowed to clean up.  She's an inspiration.  She has no interest in finding a new life in America.  She's proud to be in Mexico and proud to stay in Mexico.  She wants Mexicans to stay...and help the change from within.  Christina's job isn't easy.  She's worked hard and she's lost a lot.  The biggest problems in her work: working with kids who don't know how to read, working with parents who think it's more important to make money than to study.. Christina is their number one advocate.  She goes to school with them- asking what they need (new shoes, school supplied), what they need to work on, etc.  Christina doesn't claim to be a teacher.  But she is .. and so much more.  She's their social worker, mother, friend.  Christina is a one-of-a-kind lady.  Christina helped us to say goodbye to our old selves, and say hello to hope for that culture.


We met with Father Peter and Sister Betty.  They have immersed themselves into the Juarez community, helping when asked and loving others for exactly who they are.  We saw names and names of lives that have been lost over the years.  An excerpt from my notebook:
"And as I'm sitting in the Casa Tabor's courtyard..listening to the chatter and intentionality of this community, it's inspiring.  There are different groups of people..speaking snapshot one another, asking questions..wanting to know more about the names on the wall.  It's a wall of victims- journalists, matriarchal or patriarchal figures, those who died trying to cross the border- I give thanks for Peter and Betty.  I give thanks that there are people here who had no intention to change people when they moved here.  They only wanted to live among the people.  They would help when asked .. but they had no desire to change anything or any one"  These two helped us say goodbye to our old selves, and say hello to continuously putting others' needs before our own.

We met with Luis who works with a shelter in El Paso for Unaccompanied Alien Children (UAC, humanizing name isn't it).  He shared with us experiences and statistics.  We talked about the children who either come across the border voluntarily or by their parents.  They're typically fleeing from violence.  They're running away from gangs (either they were in a gang and want out, or the gang threatens if they don't join...double edged sword) and the danger.  The children (when they come alone) go through the Office of Refugee and Resettlement (not Homeland Security) and are put in Foster Care if there's no support already established in America.  What a blessing it was to listen to Luis, his experience and advice.  It motivates me to look in the RVA area for shelters for UAC.  Luis helped us say goodbye to our old selves, and say hello to continuous prayer for children facing this journey alone.    

We met with the court system (the hardest thing I've done to date).  We watched sentences and arraignments for people who have crossed the border illegally.  They've done nothing wrong, but yet they shuffle in the courtroom in shackles and blue jumpsuits.  The judge doesn't see the shackles any more.  He doesn't notice the blue jumpsuits or the despair and hopeless look on the faces. He just dismisses the cases with time served, and sends them on their way back to Mexico.  I pray for all who face a judge..that they be charged not with deportation, but with a chance to succeed.  This broken system helps us say goodbye to our old selves, and say hello to the responsibility to speak up about injustices in our world.

We met with Lorena.  From the beginning, women have been paid less than men.  And hispanic women have been paid less than white women.  So they fought.   And they protested.  As they slaved away in the garment factory, they would take what they made, and hold them hostage until they were paid.  They handcuffed themselves to sewing machines.  They organized a union.  They've fought so hard and they've still got a ways to go..but for those moments, we rejoiced in how far they had come. She was inspiring and empowering.  I respect her and those women's desire to stick to tradition and not conform.  Lorena helped us say goodbye to our old selves, and say hello to empowerment and the excitement to cheer on people as they change the world around them.




We met with Ruben Garcia, the Director of the Annunciation House.  He's the kind of guy that stays awake at night asking himself, how do i explain my right to occupy space on this planet? He taught us that it's okay to be unsettled by truth.  We are constantly given the invitation to be an incredibly human being.  Lives are gifts.  You really begin to understand that when you're at the border.  You're faced with the reality of injustices. What are you going to do about it? Ruben helped us say goodbye to our old selves, and say hello to being unsettled by truth.

The people we said goodbye to. The community we left behind. Returning with a hurt heart, 

and not knowing how to respond.  

Who did you say goodbye to last before being completely changed?

The Wilderness...

Last week, as part of the Martha Stearns Marshall month of preaching, I was asked to preach at Crozet Baptist Church in honor of my dear friend Colleen.  It was her final Sunday as Co-Pastor as she moves on to a small church in Charlottesville.  Unfortunately, it snowed about 6 inches on Saturday. I was already on Colleen's farm..but church ended up being cancelled.  

The following is my manuscript from this sermon.  

The Wilderness

Mark 1:9-15

In those days Jesus came from Nazareth of Galilee and was baptized by John in the Jordan. And just as he was coming up out of the water, he saw the heavens torn apart and the Spirit descending like a dove on him. And a voice came from heaven, “You are my Son, the Beloved;with you I am well pleased.”  And the Spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness. He was in the wilderness forty days, tempted by Satan; and he was with the wild beasts; and the angels waited on him.  Now after John was arrested, Jesus came to Galilee, proclaiming the good news of God, and saying, “The time is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God has come near; repent, and believe in the good news.” 

Where do you go to find yourself? When you’ve feel you’ve lost everything about who you are as a person, as a student, as a husband or wife, mother or father… where do you go to get YOU back? Where do you find peace? Is it sitting at the kitchen table sharing a meal with your family? Is it fishing on the lake on an early morning when you’re the first to touch the water? Is it hiking in these beautiful mountains that surround us? We see Jesus in the wilderness a lot.  I think that’s where he went to find himself.  It’s where he was tempted by reality, but it’s where he went to re-discover his mission and to listen to what God was calling him to do. 

There aren’t a lot of places where I find peace.  Being a total type-A, and admittedly, a high-maintenance person (well, I call it passion..other people call it high-maintenance), I get too caught up and too stressed about the tiniest things.  So typically wherever I go, I’m thinking about what I‘m leaving behind..or what I’ll be returning to.  I take the baggage of life with me.  I’ve never been too good about being present in the present.  But there’s one place.  It happens to me the moment I see any sign for the Blue Ridge Parkway.  Growing up in the upstate area of SC, we were only about an hour from the NC border.  We would spend weekends in Asheville (my parents are still there almost every weekend).  We would meet the grandparents for a picnic near Pisgah, and then find new roads on the parkway, new mountains to climb, and new trails to hike. 

A few years ago, I had accepted my first full-time position out of college.  I was the program coordinator at a group home for teenage mothers and their kids who are in foster care.  We were under-staffed so there were days that I would leave my house in the dark, return in the dark..only to go to sleep and do it all over again the next day.  The group home was on the back lot of a camp.  The camp was on a beautiful lake, about an hour from Charleston.  It wasn’t two months before I decided I needed to be near the mountains.  I needed to breathe in the fresh air, remember who I was, and remember whose I was.  I was hating this adult-life that reality had thrown in my face.  So I left.  I went home for the weekend.  I walked in the door, put my stuff down, hugged my parents, and we jumped back in the car.  We drove to Asheville.  I saw the mountain range, and I immediately felt at home.  I took a big sigh of relief.  The wilderness was calling.  It’s away from the city that I find myself.  It’s where this ADHD girl can have silence- and listen to what God is calling me to do.  After Jesus is baptized and about to begin this beautiful ministry, he takes forty days to reflect.  He listens to what God’s calling him to do- in the middle of the reality that’s being thrown in his face.

Something that I find interesting in this passage is that   “the spirit immediately drove him out into the wilderness.” Jesus didn’t voluntarily spend 40 days alone.  He didn’t ask for it.  He was forced.  He was driven into the unknown, into the darkness.  This is where we see the humanity of Jesus.  We see temptation and how Jesus may have felt lost or confused.  This is where we see the opposing view of the wilderness.  You’re feeling lost and abandoned.  You don’t know who’s around to help or guide you- you don’t know how to read a compass or the moss on a tree trunk to try and get out.   You look at the sun to try and determine what time it is.  You don’t know where you are, or how to get out. All you know is that you ended up here alone.

Maybe that’s how you feel right now- lost and confused.  Maybe you’ve been forced in the darkness.  You didn’t ask to go to the wilderness. You were okay with the way things were going.  Life was comfortable.  And then all of a sudden, you’re driven into the wilderness.  You’re forced to face things you didn’t really want to face yet.

            I think what we need to learn is that the wilderness, the darkness, is okay. It’s necessary.  It allows you to appreciate the light when it comes. My church in Richmond is reading Barbara Brown Taylor’s Learning to Walk in the Dark during this Lenten season.  As I was reading through it- it’s clear how comfortable BBT feels in the dark.  On her farm in Georgia, Taylor invites a friend’s daughter to come spend time with her.  Taylor needs to move her chickens (and its easiest to do this at night when the chickens are sleepy), so she invites Anna along.  It’s pitch black and they’re walking down to the chicken coop- Anna’s complaining the whole walk. It’s dark.  It’s   Taylor keeps telling her “be patient.  Your eyes will get used to it.” Taylor gets to the coop and realizes that Anna is nowhere to be seen…except walking back into the house, back into the light.  Taylor says, “it was not her fault, it was mine, for forgetting that she was a city girl and that walking in the dark takes some practice.  But it was also the fault of everyone who taught her to fear the dark, convincing her that it is dangerous- all of it, all the time, under every circumstance- that what she cannot see will almost certainly hurt her and that the best way to protect herself from such unseen maleficence is to stay inside after dark with the doors locked and sleep with the lights on” (page 35).  We’re taught that the darkness is bad.  It’s time to come inside when the streetlights come on.  It’s dangerous! We get hurt.  What Taylor teaches us is that walking in the dark takes practice.  Walking in the dark is good for the soul! Finding the wilderness and immersing yourself into it is exactly what Jesus (kinda) did. It’s what we need to do.  It’s about courage.  Taylor asks, “How do we develop the courage to walk in the dark if we are never asked to practice”? (37) If we never set out into the wilderness, how do we ever find the light? How do we ever listen to what God’s calling us to do?

            Yesterday morning at breakfast, I was sitting with Max and Colleen and Paul.  Max, the kid who hated getting dirty, didn’t know how to eat his Heuvos Rancheros without getting his hands dirty.   As a kid, he hated getting his feet dirty- he’s grown since then…but, being the mom that Colleen is- she used to pull him through the pudles.  She drove him out of his comfort zone, through the puddles of water.  Not that I’m connecting God to Colleen- but at what point do we get out of our comfort zone? At what point do we allow the spirit to drive us into the wilderness, to have reality thrown in our face? At one point do we allow God to pull us through the puddles..into the light?     

So, now what?  Maybe this becomes a Lenten practice for you.  This is where we get our 40 days of Lent after all. Maybe finding yourself in the wilderness is exactly what you need.  When you find yourself in the wilderness, God will meet you there.  When you are thrown into the wilderness, God will meet you there.  When reality slaps you in the face, causing you to deal with things you didn’t want to deal with quite yet, God will meet you there.  When you find the courage to practice walking in the dark, God will meet you there. May we all learn to walk in the dark. May it be so. Amen.

Lent 2.

Monday- I used to take piano lessons (for about ten years). I kick myself a lot for not keeping up with it like I should.  Playing the piano (especially when it's tuned) brings peace to my soul.  Whether it's a hymn, or the only song I memorized from my lessons (Rondo Alla Turca..be impressed), when my fingers gently press on each key, I feel at home. 

Tuesday- quite the scare.  When you're impatient and close down your computer finished updating its OS, sometimes Word doesn't like to work.  Stress really hit when I desperately needed Word to finish (ahem. start) an exam due Thursday. No worries, guys. I fixed it.  I just had to finish updating Yosemite (all done during the Bachelor, of course) and then update Word. #appleshouldhireme

There are lots of reasons why I love BTSR.  Hilarious professors who banter with you is in my top five.  

Thursday- Snow Day #2! We got another 5 or so inches Wednesday night into Thursday morning.  Classes were cancelled.  The roads were okay so my roommates left me with the house to myself.  I caught up on all my shows, Stella and I took lots of naps, and I watched two new Netflix movies (yes- Chef; no- White Bird in a Blizzard).

Friday- this is a flashback (also, this is the only picture I took on Friday).  Stella was a BABY (and I think still a girl at this point- long story).  He was maybe a year old.  Isn't Timehop just the best?

Saturday- my proudest moment to date. I ran SIX miles on Saturday.  My big race is March 28 (6.25 miles) up an down Monument Ave.  I hope my running partner will stick with me (Thanks, Theresa!).  You can read more about my appropriate runners' high here.  

Sunday- I spent the morning in Mechanicsville preaching for a good friend of mine.  It was a lovely church with green carpet that reminded me of Fernwood.  I took a nap and knew my room needed to be picked up before this week truly began.  I turned on Saturday's episode of Prairie Home Companion, tucked Stella into bed, lit a few candles, and cleaned.  It's beautiful now.  Clean also brings peace.