Ending the month with my favorite sacred time of self-care. You can read more about Creative Clergy on my Otium Sanctum post.
Friday, November 7, 2014
October
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
Otium Sactum
"For each new morning with its light, for rest and shelter of the night, for health and food, of love and friends, for everything thy goodness sends." - Ralph Waldo Emerson
How do you practice sabbath? Is it on Sundays? Vocational Ministers, do you practice sabbath on Fridays? How do you get away and how do you find rest? If you're in the big city like me but tend to find peace in the mountains, you sometimes find it difficult to practice sabbath.
I believe in sabbath and taking time for self-care. That's why I love Creative Clergy so much. It's such a beautiful time that is intentional. But with everything that I had just done and all the work I knew had to be done this week made today's healing just not work. How humbling is that? It's how I feel after (what I think is) a crappy sermon, too. Some days are just going to suck. It's humbling to know that we're not perfect. We're human. Some days just don't work. That's okay. You go home, regroup, and try again later.
As I'm processing through my not-so-awesome spiritual experience with Suzanne, maybe it was just an off-day. It's important to understand that I really do love and get a lot out of these Creative Clergy experiences. I think today was just bad timing (contradictory to what I first believed). But again, it was incredibly humbling...knowing that not every spiritual practice is going to work 100% of the time.
The beautiful thing about Suzanne (among so many) is her challenge for us to be open around the table. Her table is always set. It's always open and ready for community and creativity. I'm excited to return to this holy space, open to new experiences and find my way back to caring for myself.
I'm ever grateful for that table that's full of paints, pens, paper, and invitations to be creative. Thanks be to God for what has been at this table. Thanks be to God for what will be at this table.
May it be so.
How do you practice sabbath? Is it on Sundays? Vocational Ministers, do you practice sabbath on Fridays? How do you get away and how do you find rest? If you're in the big city like me but tend to find peace in the mountains, you sometimes find it difficult to practice sabbath.
I'm in Christian Spirituality this semester. It's a pretty fantastic class that focuses on different spiritual practices. We've spent time in prayer, walking labyrinths, reading Barbara Brown Taylor, and talking in small groups. This past week, we were asked to participate in otium sanctum which means "holy leisure." Sounds easy, right? Well, not always.
When this project was assigned, I got excited because this fell at perfect timing. It happened to be the same week of my best friend getting married. I could take advantage of having a calm moment within the chaos of the wedding..or even be able to carry myself through the wedding to end in a time of intentional sabbath. God's (and Art's) hand in timing this go around was perfect.
My favorite spiritual practice is called Creative Clergy. A dear soul, Suzanne, puts on these gatherings with and for other women clergy. I'm always excited about that time I get to spend with her (and other people). Suzanne has this calmness about her. She is a beautiful soul that encourages the serenity of her gatherings. We get together, catch up, and spend intentional time together being creative. We begin by acknowledging that the space is holy ground. We take time to be still and silent as Suzanne leads us in a guided imagery. It's a time for Ministers (Vocational and non-vocational) to step away from the craziness of church work and the chaos of their beautiful congregation. It's a time for students like me to learn how to be intentional about self-care. I chose the second option for my Creative Clergy this month. It's typically easy for me to walk into her studio and leave the world at the doorway. Today was different.
Due to the sickness of her glorious children, I traveled over past Libby Hill and met at Suzanne's for Creative Clergy. I entered her space in hopes of it being another successful day of intentional sabbath. After this beautiful wedding weekend, I. Was. Beat. My body was hating me come Sunday morning. Staying up late and constantly being around people since Thursday night makes this budding introvert super tired (and cranky). I was in a completely different mindset and just could not get in the right place to be still or present. I'm also trying to fight this head-cold/sever allergies/body aching illness (which I didn't realize until after I left).
My favorite spiritual practice is called Creative Clergy. A dear soul, Suzanne, puts on these gatherings with and for other women clergy. I'm always excited about that time I get to spend with her (and other people). Suzanne has this calmness about her. She is a beautiful soul that encourages the serenity of her gatherings. We get together, catch up, and spend intentional time together being creative. We begin by acknowledging that the space is holy ground. We take time to be still and silent as Suzanne leads us in a guided imagery. It's a time for Ministers (Vocational and non-vocational) to step away from the craziness of church work and the chaos of their beautiful congregation. It's a time for students like me to learn how to be intentional about self-care. I chose the second option for my Creative Clergy this month. It's typically easy for me to walk into her studio and leave the world at the doorway. Today was different.
Due to the sickness of her glorious children, I traveled over past Libby Hill and met at Suzanne's for Creative Clergy. I entered her space in hopes of it being another successful day of intentional sabbath. After this beautiful wedding weekend, I. Was. Beat. My body was hating me come Sunday morning. Staying up late and constantly being around people since Thursday night makes this budding introvert super tired (and cranky). I was in a completely different mindset and just could not get in the right place to be still or present. I'm also trying to fight this head-cold/sever allergies/body aching illness (which I didn't realize until after I left).
I believe in sabbath and taking time for self-care. That's why I love Creative Clergy so much. It's such a beautiful time that is intentional. But with everything that I had just done and all the work I knew had to be done this week made today's healing just not work. How humbling is that? It's how I feel after (what I think is) a crappy sermon, too. Some days are just going to suck. It's humbling to know that we're not perfect. We're human. Some days just don't work. That's okay. You go home, regroup, and try again later.
As I'm processing through my not-so-awesome spiritual experience with Suzanne, maybe it was just an off-day. It's important to understand that I really do love and get a lot out of these Creative Clergy experiences. I think today was just bad timing (contradictory to what I first believed). But again, it was incredibly humbling...knowing that not every spiritual practice is going to work 100% of the time.
The beautiful thing about Suzanne (among so many) is her challenge for us to be open around the table. Her table is always set. It's always open and ready for community and creativity. I'm excited to return to this holy space, open to new experiences and find my way back to caring for myself.
I'm ever grateful for that table that's full of paints, pens, paper, and invitations to be creative. Thanks be to God for what has been at this table. Thanks be to God for what will be at this table.
May it be so.
Sunday, August 10, 2014
Blessed Assurance
Exodus 18:1-12 (The Message):
Jethro, priest of Midian and father-in-law to Moses, heard the report of all that God had done for Moses and Israel his people, the news that God had delivered Israel from Egypt. Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, had taken in Zipporah, Moses’ wife who had been sent back home, and her two sons. The name of the one was Gershom (Sojourner) for he had said, “I’m a sojourner in a foreign land”; the name of the other was Eliezer (God’s-Help) because “The God of my father is my help and saved me from death by Pharaoh.”
5-6 Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, brought Moses his sons and his wife there in the wilderness where he was camped at the mountain of God. He had sent a message ahead to Moses: “I, your father-in-law, am coming to you with your wife and two sons.”
7-8 Moses went out to welcome his father-in-law. He bowed to him and kissed him. Each asked the other how things had been with him. Then they went into the tent. Moses told his father-in-law the story of all that God had done to Pharaoh and Egypt in helping Israel, all the trouble they had experienced on the journey, and how God had delivered them.
9-11 Jethro was delighted in all the good that God had done for Israel in delivering them from Egyptian oppression. Jethro said, “Blessed be God who has delivered you from the power of Egypt and Pharaoh, who has delivered his people from the oppression of Egypt. Now I know that God is greater than all gods because he’s done this to all those who treated Israel arrogantly.”
12 Jethro, Moses’ father-in-law, brought a Whole-Burnt-Offering and sacrifices to God. And Aaron, along with all the elders of Israel, came and ate the meal with Moses’ father-in-law in the presence of God.
My favorite moments growing up happened sitting around the dinner table. In our kitchen, Mom and I would sit on one side, my brothers, Patrick and Andrew, would sit on the other side, and my Dad would sit on the end. There was one specific evening, we were eating one my favorite meals – green beans, baked chicken, macaroni and cheese, and rolls. Patrick, Andrew, and my Dad ended up quoting their favorite movies..either Forrest Gump or Monty Python and the Holy Grail. And so we’re sitting there, Mom and I are giggling..I, for some reason, think it’s a good time to take a sip of milk. At that moment, the next sentence out of my Dad’s mouth, sent milk shooting out of my nose.
After Moses welcomes his father-in-law (and probably Zippy and the two boys) into the tent, I first envision a tent much like the one in the beginning of the fourth Harry Potter movie; where it looks really small outside, but then when you walk in, it’s a three bedroom, full kitchen, stand-up-straight kind of place. While in reality, it didn’t look like that at all. It probably looked more like a studio tent. I expect they sat at the table to catch up. I expect that conversation led into a meal and late into the night. Moses sharing all the good things that were happening and just how good God was. Jethro, a Priest, and Moses’s father-in-law, sitting and listening to Moses’s story. I wonder if that was how they thought things would end up. I wonder if they thought that there would be this “not-so-bad, almost at a place where we can laugh about it now” sort of ending.
I’m certainly not where I thought I would be. While I’m still young and can still do what I thought I would..being right here, right now, came as a sort of surprise. Feeling restless in college, I expected to spend two years in Africa in the PeaceCorps (I started that application ten times…never actually saved them, though), return to the States, go to Graduate School for my dual degree in Masters in Social Work and Public Health, and then settle down somewhere in the north or Midwest. Instead, after graduating college, I worked for six months in the middle of nowhere low-country South Carolina. Then I moved back home with my parents (a place I never thought I’d return to..), and then moved to Richmond. Like I said, I realize I’m still really young, but it’s interesting to remember where I used to be and how my story has developed over the last few years.
This past year began a whole new chapter in my story. We’ll call it “The Seminary Years..” It’s been a pretty good chapter so far. Moving, a year ago yesterday, into a house full of love and community. Moving into an already formed community – with two who were continuing their Farley-ness – and having to create a new sort of community of our own. Something, where at the beginning, seemed a little doubtful. But we grew. We grew into a small four person-three pet family. A family that will remain part of each of our stories….
In the midst of Moses and his crew’s long walk in the wilderness, their doubt in God and in Moses was incredible. Questions that must have been floating in their minds, “God, are you even here?” “Where are you taking us?” “Didn’t we already pass this tree?” “What in the world is Moses doing?” “Does this journey even matter?”
Does this even matter?
It’s important here to understand that, clearly, their story mattered. It’s important to understand that your story matters. All parts; the parts that were disheartening and doubtful. Those parts that left you in the wilderness feeling alone. And the parts that were so joyful, you didn’t want them to end…much like that evening with Moses and Jethro. While you may think the current moments in your story aren’t much. Or those moments aren't worth remembering…(and I know my Dad doesn’t remember the evening milk squirted out of my nose because he told a hilarious line from his favorite movie), those are the moments that turn into memories that turn into stories.
Not to jump to the New Testament, but that’s how Jesus taught his lessons- his parables, his stories, are the ways that Jesus related to the people he was speaking with. Stories are in the toasts we say at weddings and they are in the eulogies we speak at funerals. They are at bedtime with our children. They are a part of the moments that are the most meaningful. In the end, Moses’s story mattered to all the people of Israel…it meant enough to share it with his own Midian father-in-law (whose people butted heads and hated the Israelites). God triumphs and delivers them to a place of grace and fulfillment.
This past year is an important part of the Farley story. While we all know that the Farley Community House is a ministry that matters greatly to Ginter Park, this past year was certainly one for the books. It’s a chapter in a story that matters. It's a chapter worth sharing. While I am someone who has always approached life with a script- I was taught this past year about “taking time” and essentially flying by the seat of my pants. Drew taught me to not worry, and to be happy. He taught me about the beauty of God’s creation and how to care for others while tending the earth. Together, Khan and I broke down some cultural barriers. I learned his food was often too spicy for me to eat, but that never stopped him from offering. In class, he was wise and asked the deepest questions. He’s quite the musician and was always excited to share his culture with our community. Caitie’s and my story started about 15 years ago at the neighborhood pool one summer. Off and on for the next 15 years, through high school and college, eventually leading us both to Richmond, to the Farley, living across the hall from one another. She’s taught me so much about grace and the unconditional love a person can be shown.
This coming year I’m excited about the new community and the new brother and sister I get to share life with. I’m excited about the ways we will grow and learn about one another. I’m excited for the ways we will learn from one another. The arguments and fights that all families share, as well as those joyful moments that will turn into memories. Those memories that will turn into stories. Together, we’ll enjoy meals at the dinner table. We’ll take part in movie and game nights. We'll enjoy snow days and late evenings turned into early mornings working on papers and sermons. We’ll share our story with you, Ginter Park family, we encourage you to do likewise. Our doors are open and the table is always set.
From our passage this morning: “Moses told his father-in-law the story of all that God had done to Pharaoh and Egypt in helping Israel, all the trouble they had experienced on the journey, and how God had delivered them.”
So tell me, what is your story? What is your song? Did you approach life with a script? How has your story developed? I invite you to share your story with others..to write it down, to draw it out..to understand and appreciate its importance.
Amen.
After Moses welcomes his father-in-law (and probably Zippy and the two boys) into the tent, I first envision a tent much like the one in the beginning of the fourth Harry Potter movie; where it looks really small outside, but then when you walk in, it’s a three bedroom, full kitchen, stand-up-straight kind of place. While in reality, it didn’t look like that at all. It probably looked more like a studio tent. I expect they sat at the table to catch up. I expect that conversation led into a meal and late into the night. Moses sharing all the good things that were happening and just how good God was. Jethro, a Priest, and Moses’s father-in-law, sitting and listening to Moses’s story. I wonder if that was how they thought things would end up. I wonder if they thought that there would be this “not-so-bad, almost at a place where we can laugh about it now” sort of ending.
I’m certainly not where I thought I would be. While I’m still young and can still do what I thought I would..being right here, right now, came as a sort of surprise. Feeling restless in college, I expected to spend two years in Africa in the PeaceCorps (I started that application ten times…never actually saved them, though), return to the States, go to Graduate School for my dual degree in Masters in Social Work and Public Health, and then settle down somewhere in the north or Midwest. Instead, after graduating college, I worked for six months in the middle of nowhere low-country South Carolina. Then I moved back home with my parents (a place I never thought I’d return to..), and then moved to Richmond. Like I said, I realize I’m still really young, but it’s interesting to remember where I used to be and how my story has developed over the last few years.
This past year began a whole new chapter in my story. We’ll call it “The Seminary Years..” It’s been a pretty good chapter so far. Moving, a year ago yesterday, into a house full of love and community. Moving into an already formed community – with two who were continuing their Farley-ness – and having to create a new sort of community of our own. Something, where at the beginning, seemed a little doubtful. But we grew. We grew into a small four person-three pet family. A family that will remain part of each of our stories….
In the midst of Moses and his crew’s long walk in the wilderness, their doubt in God and in Moses was incredible. Questions that must have been floating in their minds, “God, are you even here?” “Where are you taking us?” “Didn’t we already pass this tree?” “What in the world is Moses doing?” “Does this journey even matter?”
Does this even matter?
It’s important here to understand that, clearly, their story mattered. It’s important to understand that your story matters. All parts; the parts that were disheartening and doubtful. Those parts that left you in the wilderness feeling alone. And the parts that were so joyful, you didn’t want them to end…much like that evening with Moses and Jethro. While you may think the current moments in your story aren’t much. Or those moments aren't worth remembering…(and I know my Dad doesn’t remember the evening milk squirted out of my nose because he told a hilarious line from his favorite movie), those are the moments that turn into memories that turn into stories.
Not to jump to the New Testament, but that’s how Jesus taught his lessons- his parables, his stories, are the ways that Jesus related to the people he was speaking with. Stories are in the toasts we say at weddings and they are in the eulogies we speak at funerals. They are at bedtime with our children. They are a part of the moments that are the most meaningful. In the end, Moses’s story mattered to all the people of Israel…it meant enough to share it with his own Midian father-in-law (whose people butted heads and hated the Israelites). God triumphs and delivers them to a place of grace and fulfillment.
This past year is an important part of the Farley story. While we all know that the Farley Community House is a ministry that matters greatly to Ginter Park, this past year was certainly one for the books. It’s a chapter in a story that matters. It's a chapter worth sharing. While I am someone who has always approached life with a script- I was taught this past year about “taking time” and essentially flying by the seat of my pants. Drew taught me to not worry, and to be happy. He taught me about the beauty of God’s creation and how to care for others while tending the earth. Together, Khan and I broke down some cultural barriers. I learned his food was often too spicy for me to eat, but that never stopped him from offering. In class, he was wise and asked the deepest questions. He’s quite the musician and was always excited to share his culture with our community. Caitie’s and my story started about 15 years ago at the neighborhood pool one summer. Off and on for the next 15 years, through high school and college, eventually leading us both to Richmond, to the Farley, living across the hall from one another. She’s taught me so much about grace and the unconditional love a person can be shown.
This coming year I’m excited about the new community and the new brother and sister I get to share life with. I’m excited about the ways we will grow and learn about one another. I’m excited for the ways we will learn from one another. The arguments and fights that all families share, as well as those joyful moments that will turn into memories. Those memories that will turn into stories. Together, we’ll enjoy meals at the dinner table. We’ll take part in movie and game nights. We'll enjoy snow days and late evenings turned into early mornings working on papers and sermons. We’ll share our story with you, Ginter Park family, we encourage you to do likewise. Our doors are open and the table is always set.
From our passage this morning: “Moses told his father-in-law the story of all that God had done to Pharaoh and Egypt in helping Israel, all the trouble they had experienced on the journey, and how God had delivered them.”
So tell me, what is your story? What is your song? Did you approach life with a script? How has your story developed? I invite you to share your story with others..to write it down, to draw it out..to understand and appreciate its importance.
Amen.
Tuesday, May 27, 2014
Being Intentional..
This post has been tugging at my heart a lot lately.
Intention. Being intentional. It's a word that I throw around quite often- purposefully. deliberately. intentionally. What does that mean? What does that look like?
There have been a lot of changes in my life lately. As I move on, as my friends move on, often it's difficult to stay in touch. Lives are changing all around me, and as much as we wish we could keep in contact, it becomes difficult to do so. It's not because we don't want to. It's just because we don't have the time. Or so I say. Or so they say. Time gets away. You lose touch. That's life.
But what if you're being intentional? What if you're the only that's trying to keep a friendship alive. After years, or after even after just months. How long do you wait and hold out until you simply stop trying? How long do you hold out for a friendship (or relationship) that doesn't mean enough to the other person to fight to have you in their life? What do you do with those feelings when you come to the realization? It's hard..when you come to the realization that maybe it doesn't matter that you're not in someone else's life? Someone you cared so much about..that it just doesn't matter. How long do you wait? How often do you call or text? At one point do you stop caring the way they stopped caring?
OR .. what if it's just life? What if this is just one friendship/relationship that wasn't meant to stick around? I think that God sticks people in at certain points in your life (kinda like the Hunger Games). There are triggers that put people right here and now for you to meet and learn something from. Once that lesson is learned, there's a new a lesson, a new person to meet. How do you determine the people that are only in your life a short time vs. the people who will stick with you forever?
In Admissions, Tiffany and I talk a lot about different prospective students. "We've never heard from this person. It's been six months..When do we stop bugging them?" It's a constant question that we struggle with. How often do we put forth the effort for a phone call or a personal e-mail..only to not hear anything back? How often are we to be intentional with these students? They stopped caring ages ago (if they ever cared at all). When should we?
Friends, I am not only the victim, but am so often the victor (is that the right word?). There are people that I care for deeply that I need to be more intentional with. Particularly with friends who live far away. I left a lot of loved ones when I moved to Richmond- people that I still care about, people whose friendship I genuinely value.
Live your life. Live it with purpose. Life it with intention.
I'm grateful for the people in my life. Everyone who has ever taught me something or helped me experience something new. As I struggle to figure out how to live intentionally and to be intentional with my friendships and relationships, I encourage you to do the same. When have you been the victim of an (un)intentional relationship? (Remind me to tell you the theme to camp last year..) When have you been the one who has dropped the relationship? Was it life? Was it because you didn't have the time? Was it because this is someone you simply didn't want in your life anymore?
Where do we go from here?
Intention. Being intentional. It's a word that I throw around quite often- purposefully. deliberately. intentionally. What does that mean? What does that look like?
There have been a lot of changes in my life lately. As I move on, as my friends move on, often it's difficult to stay in touch. Lives are changing all around me, and as much as we wish we could keep in contact, it becomes difficult to do so. It's not because we don't want to. It's just because we don't have the time. Or so I say. Or so they say. Time gets away. You lose touch. That's life.
But what if you're being intentional? What if you're the only that's trying to keep a friendship alive. After years, or after even after just months. How long do you wait and hold out until you simply stop trying? How long do you hold out for a friendship (or relationship) that doesn't mean enough to the other person to fight to have you in their life? What do you do with those feelings when you come to the realization? It's hard..when you come to the realization that maybe it doesn't matter that you're not in someone else's life? Someone you cared so much about..that it just doesn't matter. How long do you wait? How often do you call or text? At one point do you stop caring the way they stopped caring?
OR .. what if it's just life? What if this is just one friendship/relationship that wasn't meant to stick around? I think that God sticks people in at certain points in your life (kinda like the Hunger Games). There are triggers that put people right here and now for you to meet and learn something from. Once that lesson is learned, there's a new a lesson, a new person to meet. How do you determine the people that are only in your life a short time vs. the people who will stick with you forever?
In Admissions, Tiffany and I talk a lot about different prospective students. "We've never heard from this person. It's been six months..When do we stop bugging them?" It's a constant question that we struggle with. How often do we put forth the effort for a phone call or a personal e-mail..only to not hear anything back? How often are we to be intentional with these students? They stopped caring ages ago (if they ever cared at all). When should we?
Friends, I am not only the victim, but am so often the victor (is that the right word?). There are people that I care for deeply that I need to be more intentional with. Particularly with friends who live far away. I left a lot of loved ones when I moved to Richmond- people that I still care about, people whose friendship I genuinely value.
Live your life. Live it with purpose. Life it with intention.
I'm grateful for the people in my life. Everyone who has ever taught me something or helped me experience something new. As I struggle to figure out how to live intentionally and to be intentional with my friendships and relationships, I encourage you to do the same. When have you been the victim of an (un)intentional relationship? (Remind me to tell you the theme to camp last year..) When have you been the one who has dropped the relationship? Was it life? Was it because you didn't have the time? Was it because this is someone you simply didn't want in your life anymore?
Where do we go from here?
Sunday, March 16, 2014
Let's Get Personal...
Thanks, Olivia Newton John...
For years, I've been a mentor for young ladies. A part of different youth groups, I have worked with a lot of teenage girls and the problems that follow them. My go-to phrase when we talk (whether it be about drinking, sex, college admissions, weight [gosh girls think a lot about their weight], etc.), I always tell them:
What has occurred to me though, is that I can say it until I'm blue in the face. I can write it on mirrors and send flowers and letters. But I can't make them believe that they're worth it. It's all internal. These beautiful, talented, worthy ladies are worth love and happiness. But it's up to them to believe it. I can't make them believe it- it's a true change of heart.
I am worth it. I can say it myself until I'm blue in the face. I know it. I'm worthy of love and happiness. So how many times do I say it before I begin to believe it? How many times do I say it before I believe that I'm actually worth it; that I'm worth love and happiness. That I'm worthy enough to have people that love me enough to want to be an active part of my life. That I'm worthy enough to have people in my life that want to fight for me.
People fight in relationships. People fight for relationships. If a relationship means this much to you, aren't you going to fight like hell to save it? No? Well then, those are the experiences that make us feel like we're not worth it. That we're not worth fighting for, that we're not worth saving this relationship over.
Jesus tells everyone to
My prayers go out to those who don't feel worthy. Fighting for a relationship takes up so much energy, and maybe it's a relationship that isn't worth fighting for. That's up to you decide. But, I'm with you. I'm with you in this fight. I'll tell you just as often that you're worthy as I tell myself this:
You are worthy. You are worthy. You are worthy of love and happiness. You are worth fighting for. Thanks be to God that you are worthy.
One of my favorite preachers, Amy Jacks Dean, speaks so much to this on her sermon called Discovering a Well in the Desert. I encourage you to listen and reflect. I'll do the same.
For years, I've been a mentor for young ladies. A part of different youth groups, I have worked with a lot of teenage girls and the problems that follow them. My go-to phrase when we talk (whether it be about drinking, sex, college admissions, weight [gosh girls think a lot about their weight], etc.), I always tell them:
You are worth itI can say that to them with every confidence that they are, indeed, worth it. They are beautiful. They are funny. They are loved. They are worth it.
What has occurred to me though, is that I can say it until I'm blue in the face. I can write it on mirrors and send flowers and letters. But I can't make them believe that they're worth it. It's all internal. These beautiful, talented, worthy ladies are worth love and happiness. But it's up to them to believe it. I can't make them believe it- it's a true change of heart.
I am worth it. I can say it myself until I'm blue in the face. I know it. I'm worthy of love and happiness. So how many times do I say it before I begin to believe it? How many times do I say it before I believe that I'm actually worth it; that I'm worth love and happiness. That I'm worthy enough to have people that love me enough to want to be an active part of my life. That I'm worthy enough to have people in my life that want to fight for me.
People fight in relationships. People fight for relationships. If a relationship means this much to you, aren't you going to fight like hell to save it? No? Well then, those are the experiences that make us feel like we're not worth it. That we're not worth fighting for, that we're not worth saving this relationship over.
Jesus tells everyone to
"love our neighbors as yourself." (Luke 10:27)That's sentimental, I know. But the truth is, I want to love my neighbor better than I love myself. I want to love myself like I love my neighbor. I want give myself grace like I give grace to others. I want to forgive myself like I'm able to forgive others. Why is that so hard?
My prayers go out to those who don't feel worthy. Fighting for a relationship takes up so much energy, and maybe it's a relationship that isn't worth fighting for. That's up to you decide. But, I'm with you. I'm with you in this fight. I'll tell you just as often that you're worthy as I tell myself this:
You are worthy. You are worthy. You are worthy of love and happiness. You are worth fighting for. Thanks be to God that you are worthy.
One of my favorite preachers, Amy Jacks Dean, speaks so much to this on her sermon called Discovering a Well in the Desert. I encourage you to listen and reflect. I'll do the same.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Breakdown number 74382943 as a first year Seminarian...
Sitting in Starbucks.
Confused.
Frustrated.
Unmotivated.
I don't get it. If this is supposed to be my calling, why is it so damn difficult?
Paul, you are quite the character. I'm currently reading an N.T. Wright book about him. It's a book I'm not fully understanding. And that is really frustrating..
and I'm almost speechless. I have no idea what to think or how to feel. Can I really do this?
Confused.
Frustrated.
Unmotivated.
I don't get it. If this is supposed to be my calling, why is it so damn difficult?
Paul, you are quite the character. I'm currently reading an N.T. Wright book about him. It's a book I'm not fully understanding. And that is really frustrating..
and I'm almost speechless. I have no idea what to think or how to feel. Can I really do this?
Monday, February 24, 2014
Blessings..
Life is funny. And quick. And a lot of the time- not very peaceful.
Last semester was quick. Maybe a little too quick. I built relationships and worked harder than I ever have for school. Moving away again from my parents, relationships changed. I found a family. I found a home. I found community at school, in my house, at my church, and around RVA. It's been a true blessing.
I'm grateful- for the experiences that taught me more about myself, others, and God. The classes that I took last semester and the classes I'm currently enrolled in have taught me more than I ever thought possible. I've learned about a God of love and life, but also a God of impatience of frustration (and rightly so..those stubborn Israelites).
I'm constantly being re-affirmed about where I am in my life right this moment. As lame and cliche as it sounds, it's such a God thing .. Whether I'm being affirmed (and I'm someone that needs to be affirmed) by my roommates (thanks, Caitie), my church, or my colleagues and professors, I am learning to be grateful of where I am. It's easy to do when I'm living in a place I absolutely love.
Thanks be to God.
Last semester was quick. Maybe a little too quick. I built relationships and worked harder than I ever have for school. Moving away again from my parents, relationships changed. I found a family. I found a home. I found community at school, in my house, at my church, and around RVA. It's been a true blessing.
I'm grateful- for the experiences that taught me more about myself, others, and God. The classes that I took last semester and the classes I'm currently enrolled in have taught me more than I ever thought possible. I've learned about a God of love and life, but also a God of impatience of frustration (and rightly so..those stubborn Israelites).
I'm constantly being re-affirmed about where I am in my life right this moment. As lame and cliche as it sounds, it's such a God thing .. Whether I'm being affirmed (and I'm someone that needs to be affirmed) by my roommates (thanks, Caitie), my church, or my colleagues and professors, I am learning to be grateful of where I am. It's easy to do when I'm living in a place I absolutely love.
Thanks be to God.
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